2.  Do not laugh at our names down here.  Merleen, Bodie, Clovis, Joe
Dan, Sissy, Tammy Lynn, and Lou Bob are the norm down here.  Laugh at our names and we'll whup you.

3.  We are proud of our heritage down here.  Most of us are very
literate--Welty, Williams, and Faulkner, just to name a few.  Call us a
bunch of hillbillies and we'll whup you.

4.  We know about the humidity down here.  Just don't talk about it. 
Spend your money and get out of here, or we'll whup you.

5.  Do not order wheat toast at Meg's Honk and Get It.  If you do,
everyone will know you're not from around here.  Do it and you'll get a whuppin.

6.  Whatever you do, don't put sugar on your grits or ask what white
gravy is.  You'll get laughed at and then you'll get a whuppin.

7.  We know we have an Okie Drawl down here.  Do not make fun of it.  And whatever you do, don't try and fake it.  You will not pass go, or
collect $200, you'll get a whuppin.

8.  Don't come down here to Red Dust and talk about how dirty and
polluted our town is.  None of our lakes or rivers have caught fire recently.  If you complain about our countryside and its beauty, we will whup you.

9.  Don't make fun of our manners.  We say yes sir and no maam. 
We open doors for other folks.  We give our seats to the elderly.  We help our grandmothers across the street.  We do this because that is what civilized people do.  You behave when you're down here, or our grandmothers will whup some manners into you just like they did us.

10.  And finally--if coming down here for a visit--do not under any
circumstances tell us how to make our barbecue.  This will get you an
instant whuppin.  Keep it up criticizing our barbecue and we may have
to give you one of those whuppins that sends you to the hospital.
Follow these simple rules and you will enjoy your stay.  Don't--and
you'll get a whuppin.  Thank you.