Poke Salad

First go pick you some of it.

As much as you and yours can stand. Poke salad is powerful stuff.

First you boil it.

A long, long, long time.

Remember, your life is on the line here.

Then you boil it again.

For just as long as you did the first time.

Take the water you boiled it in and dig a deep hole and bury it.

Make sure no dogs dig it up, or you can kiss Fido goodbye.

Serve.

And dial 9 and then a 1--watch to see if anyone gets sick.

If they do, hit the other 1 in a hurry.

Enjoy, enjoy!

And make sure everyones breathing regularly after youve ate it. 

 

Bar-b-Q Goat

Its one of those kinda meats.

Youll love it.

Dont go onto the next recipe!

Its good stuff! We promise!

Get a goat.

An entire goat.

And stick it on the grill.

Turn the heat on low.

Very low if your grill has a very low setting.

And let it slowly cook all day long.

All day long.

And baste it.

I mean really baste that thing.

All day long.

All day long.

You better baste it.

A whole goat will take at least 10 or 12 gallons of bar-b-q sauce or something like it.

At least 10 or 12 gallons.

I mean this is goat were talking about here.

You better baste it.

But good.

When its done, serve it up.

Dont tell the family what theyre eating.

You better not.

Theyll run from the table like you set them on fire.

Enjoy! 

 

Roy and Hillys Dressing Deluxe Espec-i-al

First, you need to let about fourteen pounds of bread, cornbread, and any other kind of bread sit out for about a month.

Crumble, crumble.

Mash it til you cant mash anymore.

Add six quarts of chicken broth to the fourteen pounds of crumblies.

To test get a dab and seal a crack in your house somewhere.

If it seals it, you have the right mixture.

Its gonna be yum-yum.

Now add sage.

Lots and lots of it.

About seven pounds of it.

Thats a half a pound per pound of your crumblies.

Test the taste that the dressing has.

Sagey enough?

If not, add another quarter pound per pound of crumblies.

You should have enough sage to have the dressing look like grass.

It should look just like your front lawn.

Now, cook the dressing for two days.

Do not check on it for two days.

And then serve.

Enjoy! 

 

Chitlin Breakfast Burritos

Get a five-gallon bucket of chitlins.

This batch should last til Easter.

Stuff the chitlins with cooked sausage.

Catch the irony here?

Use 25 pounds of sausage.

Add eggs, peppers, cheese, or anything else you like.

Add chives.

Lots and lots.

Stuff into the pig intestinessorry, chitlins.

Set the oven at 375 degrees.

Bake for two days.

At least two days.

Serve with hot sauce, picante, or wooter-chester-shire sauce.

Freeze the whats left over.

Enjoy!